So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
