You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
