Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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