i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
