I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
