Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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