there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize