why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize