I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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