Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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