Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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