Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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