I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
where are you?
Hypothermia
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
