if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
