Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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