I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
