It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
