so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
