Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
