I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
whose parrot is this?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
