She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize