the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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