he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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