If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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