sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
