Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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