i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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