$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
