Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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