I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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