i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
