I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
