my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
