Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
