i already hear my dad disowning me
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
did i just pee glitter
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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