Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
