my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
