You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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