Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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