I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
