no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
