if i can run in heels then i can drive
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
