I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
