So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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