I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
