New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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