I love black thongs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
