my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
