Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you would pick up someone in the library
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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