i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
