I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
