I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
