Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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