I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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