just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
