Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
