Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize