Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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