You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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