sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
BRING THE BAGELS
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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