Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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