VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
