Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
