For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
