Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
