I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
