just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
