is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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