Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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