Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So much rum. So many feels.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
