My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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