can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
